Aug 24, 2018
Hi everyone! This is Connie Sokol, and you're listening to Balance Redefined Radio. I've spent over 20 years teaching people how to redefine what balance really is, meaning a more purposeful and joyful life.
They’ve paid off credit cards, lost weight, organize their homes, and created a meaningful life plan and they've managed their time, changed habits and experience greater success both at work and at home.
So now I decided to take the plunge and help about 100,000 new people who want to redefine balance in their lives. People ask me all the time, “How do I go from an overwhelming and chaotic life to more purpose and organization and joy?”
That's the reason why I'm doing this podcast, to give you trusted answers and create a space where you could find balance. My name is Connie Sokol and welcome to Balance Redefined Radio...
Welcome back! I'm so glad you've joined me for more balance, redefined, more thoughts, ideas, and suggestions on how you can live a more whole soul life…
Isn't that what we want? Ultimately at the end of the day, we get done and we want to look back and say, I've lived a life of meaning, of purpose, and it was fulfilling and what I did, what I said, how I was, who I was, how I helped others, what I experienced mattered. Isn't that what we're looking for?
That's what fills our souls and that is what we need to get back to and having those feelings and experiences every single day and we can. We can. It isn't just about pushing in that timecard do a nine to five just doing the clock.
It is about creativity and joy and service and imagination…
Today it's about passion and purpose and really talking about the balance between passion and purpose.
I get this question a lot. I've been speaking for over 20 years to women and men. They asked me all the time, “Do I do a traditional kind of life where I just, it's safe. I know what's coming. It's predictable. I have a skillset and I know that I can do it, and it's working fairly well, and I get scared when I think about addressing or deciphering or following a passion.”
“...I'm worried that it's going to make me go off kilter, or go kind of crazy, or I'll be out of control,” and I think that is a very valid thought and those very valid questions. I love when they ask me this because that means they're wanting to know.
They’re rumbling with it...
Like Renee Brown says, “They’re rumbling.”
They’re thinking. They’re feeling, and I call it “simmering.”
They are simmering in their soul, and they're feeling this sort of, “Wow, I'm not content with where I am. It worked for this period of time beforehand to get me to this place.”
But we are beings of progression. We are wired for that. So if you're feeling unsettled, it's not that you're having this huge midlife crisis unless you don't pay attention to the simmerings and address them as you go along.
But it's not that, it's that we're wired to up level and even though you know, I've heard men laughingly say, “What's with the next level?” referring to relationships.
But it's more that our whole psyche is wired to progress and grow and different people do it at different levels. So it's not the, “We're all wired for the same timeline, same timeframe,” but it's that we are wired for that. When we come to that change fork in the road, we really have to make a decision.
Are we going to up level or are we going to fight to stay at the lower level? And it is a fight. Believe me, it's a fight. And that's why you're coming here looking for balance between passion and your daily kind of purpose…
Like, I want to have passion, but I don't know what that means in regards to a purpose. Then I want you to understand they are interconnected, and that as soon as you acknowledged that passion and purpose are not only connected, but they're vital to your daily life, then you'll realize that the predictability that you start to issue, and you don't want it. You're getting mad about it. You're blaming it…
This actually is a third person in that mix because you want some predictability…
In fact, people who are incredibly creative and imaginative constantly require boundaries because when you have boundaries, then you are free within those parameters to be able to be as creative as you desire to be, and it keeps you from going out of control where your mind kind of goes insane.
It keeps you within a certain realm so that you can actually do your best work in that realm and then you can go to another realm and then another realm. Does that make sense?
So consider this. If you're thinking, “Ugh…”
Iit sounds to me when people say things like that, I tell them, it makes it sound like it's an either or prospect that either you can have a predictable life that's safe, or you can have a life that has passion, or you can have a life that's dedicated to meaningful purpose, and I am here to tell you it's an alignment of all three.
It is this triangle that supports one another and they're essential pieces to it. So let's talk about passion and purpose...
First, I have found when I'm coaching people for all these years that it is so essential to decipher one of those first because they're so closely related.
It's just the approach that is a little different and some aspects of it that are a little bit different. So for example, a passion may be I love to do photography. Maybe it's just I love photography. I have a daughter who loves photography and she is extremely good at it and that's just a passion that she has. She's nannying in France right now and she sends me back pictures from the loop.
Okay. We have gone to the loop together. Her and I, years ago, she had a modeling stint and I went as a mother, of course, you know what lengths the mother won't go to to support her child. I had to go to France. I'm telling you, you know, all in a day's work. It's never done.
But we went there, and it was fantastic, and we took pictures of the louvre.
I took pictures of the louvre...
My pictures do not look like her pictures. Hers have light and shading and she's using it all with their iphone, right? And it's shading, and its patterns and its shadow, and she's got perspective, and she has these incredible pictures that she has sent back that look nothing like my pictures. Sad to say.
However, her doing this passion does not mean that that's her purpose. She can have a passion for photography. She has a passion for French pastries. Believe me, it's a passion because you get these beautiful pictures from the louvre, and then inserted are these pictures of beautiful French Patisserie, and I've got to tell you, it was like five in a box, and it's making me drool and then pictures, and pictures, and picture of paintings, and then Patisserie. I'm like, okay. She is having her fun, but it's not necessarily her purpose.
She has a passion for photography, and a passion for French pastry, and a passion for nature, and a passion for Yoga, but it's not necessarily her purpose...
Now the two can combine because if you love photography, then maybe the purpose is that you're going to go around and tell people's story that live in the Bronx, or that live in low income neighborhoods, or live in third world countries, and there are super famous photographers that have done that very thing.
They've taken their photography skills. They've gone into these environments and they have given people cameras, not their own super fancy ones, I don't believe, but they've given them cameras and they said, show me your world through what you see and let them take pictures.
And they are phenomenal! The pictures that come back make you cry, and laugh, and do both at the same time. The rawness of what people see and experience through that lens, through that eye.
And so that purpose is now “I am going to,” and here's the key for purpose, “improve their quality of life by....” debt, Dah, Dah, Dah, Dah, “with my, photography.”
So it's not a focus on the passion, but you're using that passion to help others in some way to move their lives forward, to improve their quality of life, to do something that creates meaningful change and you're using your passion as a vehicle to fulfill that purpose. Does that make sense?
So this is a huge point because the subtle nuance and the difference between the two is really important.
You can have a whole lot of passions, but most people I meet usually start distilling it down to one, maybe two key purposes that they have in life. Even if they have different adjuncts, different ways that they get that out, that purpose- it still comes down to maybe one or two, possibly three purposes.
But really it's just one. They have this message. They want to get out. They have this product that they've created that's going to help other people in a certain way.
They just have a purpose that they know that they're to fulfill.
I call it your fingerprint that you leave on this earth, that that's what your legacy is. So consider that.
That's the passion and purpose, and then the predictability is that you're adding in the functional part of how do I move this forward, how do I make this happen? What's the nuts and bolts that it will take for me to use my passion to fulfill this purpose? So hopefully that makes sense.
Now I want to talk for a little bit today because I talk a lot about these other things in other podcasts, but I want to talk today about discovering that passion, that thing that is you, that thing that is uniquely you.
In order to find the balance between passion and purpose,I'm just focusing on those two in this podcast, but specifically the passion…
What's important about finding the balance is that when you find either one of those, you are going to feel the motivation, and the joy, and the excitement of moving forward.
I will put it to you that the passion is what is a lot of times that initial catalyst, it's that initial spark that will it will sustain the ups and downs and the difficulties that you're going to have to ride through with a certain kind of a sparky energy. It's that thing that people can't put a finger on, but they know it.
When you think to yourself, oh, this famous person, I know what they're known for it. It's just because they're either really perky or they're really driven or they're really intense about that particular topic or that particular category subject matter that they are professionals in and that they love you.
You have to remember that there's a thousand, hundred thousand people who may have the same purposes you, but their passion and your passion will be slightly different and that's good because that's what makes you unique.
I was just at the speaking conference, the National Speaking Conference, Actually International for a national speakers association that I belong to and I love this association, but it was in Dallas, Texas and I just got back and lots of beautiful, wonderful presentations, keynotes, breakouts on lots of different subjects, but one thing that I heard over and over was finding your uniqueness.
Then digging down and figuring out what that specific message is I he purpose and then move forward and one presenter, I think it was sally hogshead, she was saying different is better than better.
Different is better than better…
Why is that? Because yes, you can come and learn how to improve and all of those things, but you have got to dig down and find what is unique about you. What separates you from everyone else? It's sort of like the story of the little prince. What made his flower, his rose, different than any other rose that was out there is because that he had made it his.
So make it yours. What is your uniqueness? I love this quote from Steve Jobs. It's actually quoted in the book Talk Like Ted by Carmine Gallo and he talks about Steve Jobs, how he was such a master of being able to figure out this concept of what was his passion and using that passion, using it to drive what he was doing.
And this comes from one of the talks that he gave where he was talking about how we sort of squelch our, our desires, our passions, and I mean in a healthy way. I'm not talking about, “Hey, just follow your muse at all costs, that's what you're to do.” Not at all.
In fact, I think that's a highly wrong way to go about life in a very good way to be unsuccessful and burnout. And so I'm talking more about an intense, not intense, but unintentional passion.
So anyway, there's this beautiful commencement speech, you probably know it…
It Steve Jobs’ commencement speech for Stanford University in 2005 and he was encouraging the students to follow the path that they love. This passion. And here's the quote.
He says, “Your work is going to fill a large part of your life. And the only way to be truly satisfied to do what you do is to believe that what you do is great work and the only way to do great work is to love what you do. Love what you do, and if you haven't found it yet, keep looking.” And then he says, “Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know it when you find it, and like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.”
And I feel that is so true...
Now, let me add in the caveat to that. There is a period of time where people call it “paying your dues,” but it also is discovering your passion. So you're trying this, and you're learning this skill set, and you're learning that skill set. And sometimes people come to me and say, “Oh, why didn't I figure this out earlier? I feel like I've just missed the boat.”
You haven't. You have learned so many different things that will help you discover your unique passion.
So don't look at it truly as a waste of time. It's not you're uncovering layer after layer after layer of emotional dirt for you to really get to the root of what is your passion and as you discover that, that's when the light bulb goes on because remember that quote that I gave from Sally Hogshead,
“Different is better than better.”
Steve Jobs just said, “When you find your passion, the thing that makes you uniquely different than anyone else, then it gets better and better.”
It's self regenerating, so that's why passion this appropriate, positive, good passion that I'm talking about. That's why it's so key. There is something that makes each of us so excited about life, but if we could do this passion and have a purpose connected to it, oh my goodness.
Getting up in the morning is not even an issue. It's we can't wait...
That's how I felt this morning. I was up at six. I should have been asleep. We just got back from traveling. I was up ready to roll already doing zoom meetings and I was excited about it because of what we were talking about. So that will fuel you and it will also open doors.
It opened doors, it opens doors, and it opens that leads to roads, roads that you could not imagine. I have had that happen so often that my passion about what I talk about, this balance redefined to get to this place of whole soul living.
This is my passion. This is what I have wanted to explode in talking about for years. It's what I have been talking about for years. I swear I was talking about an elementary school...
I was the one that people were coming to and their playground crushes asking me for advice because I was the one that was the third wheel, but I had gone through my playground crushes, and been devastated.
Now of course I had great sage advice to offer to any other fifth and sixth grader, the breed Dr Phil...
So I want you to know even at an early age, we can go back to seeing those passions sort of ooze out and and start emanating in this beautiful light. So go back to those thoughts and feelings and experiences and things that you love to do and share.
If you're not sure what that uniqueness is and what that passion is because that will open so many doors and lead to the roads that will take you to the places that will give you that passionate, purposeful life...
So for example, I remember being asked to do an interview on a radio show. I went on that radio show, and I had to laugh because in the background…
Imagine this. I had had a baby so I had that little baby in a little car seat. He rockin’ it! He was sleeping while I was doing my radio interview.
Yeah, pretty amazing with the energy that goes behind my interviews, but that's what was happening.
So sweet. So sleepy. All was going great. The interview is only 30 minutes long, and I'm in studio and we're talking. We're laughing, we're connecting. It was great. We get done and I kid you not.
That host turns to me and said, “How would you like your own radio show? You're incredible.”
Well, this is his words. “You're incredible. You can absolutely do this.”
And this was probably 15 years ago, maybe even 20 now...
It was a long time ago and oh, it was so tempting because I yearned to get my message out in a better way, but I said, “Let me think about that.”
I went home and I thought about it. That is a really great way to manage your passion...
Go back to when I talked about a three step life plan. Go back to your life paragraph. Go back to that three step life plan, so that you stay clear when the bling is before you…
And I went back and I thought about it and I said, “You know what? Right now I'm in the thick of child rearing. I'm in the thick of these experiences, and I want to be here for my child, and if I've got a child that has a fever, I don't want to have to be beholden to somebody else.”
And this was pre-super-big-podcasting days. This was, you know, you go into the studio and this is what you do. And so I turned them down. I turned them down because I knew it wasn't a fit for me right then.
But then fast forward a few years and a major radio in our downtown called me and said, “Hey, we'd love for you to do a radio show.”
And as I've shared in other things in more depth way they asked me to do my own radio show and I said, “I cannot do five days a week and do three to six. I'm a mom.” But then I offered him an option and I said, “After prayer and weeping at two in the morning, what do I do with this? This is a perfect opportunity, but I don't feel right about it because I want to keep my family first.”
I came back to them and said, “I'll tell you what I can do.” That's a very powerful phrase, very, very powerful phrase…
I said, “I'll tell you what I can do. I can do two days a week from 12 to three because that's when my baby's going to nap anyway.”
So because by that time, of course I had had another child, remember mother of seven doing this in between. That's right.
That's why I can talk about balance redefined. I've had to find the balance of work life, and be able to find the joy, and the fun in it. Otherwise I still wouldn't be doing this, so I went to them and said, “I can do two days a week, 12 to three.” and they said, “Perfect, because that's job share.” And I remembered the vice president and very famous host radios turned to each other and said, “Job share.”
Yeah, and they got two other women to be able to fill the other slots, so that three women were now doing the job of one radio show host and we all did it part time so we could all focus on our families and still do work life balance and it became the promotional template for that radio show.
“We get it…
We know what we're doing. We've listened to women and look, now we've done a format that really caters and listens to women.”
Do you think that appealed to women? You bet it did. So it worked out great all the way around.
So when I say that passion opens doors and leads to roads that you have no idea that will contain unexpected success, that's exactly what I'm talking about. It is that catalyst, that spark that gets that ball rolling right down that beautiful meadow hill that you want to go down.
It does it in a way that's more effective and more efficient, especially as you manage that passion marry it with purpose and include the predictability.
So hopefully you've gotten some great tips again today with balanced redefined, and I love to share these things. Check out some of my other podcast on some of the other topics that I've mentioned today because I've got them and you can listen to them.
So continue to enjoy and balancing your life in a redefined way for that whole sole way of living.
You got it. Thanks for listening and remember to rate and subscribe. And if you are feeling the need for real balance in your life, get your free five step life plan, and get started today! Just go to conniesokol.com/download.