Aug 23, 2018
Hi everyone! This is Connie Sokol, and you're listening to Balance Redefined Radio. I've spent over 20 years teaching people how to redefine what balance really is, meaning a more purposeful and joyful life.
They’ve paid off credit cards, lost weight, organize their homes, and created a meaningful life plan and they've managed their time, changed habits and experience greater success both at work and at home.
So now I decided to take the plunge and help about 100,000 new people who want to redefine balance in their lives. People ask me all the time, “How do I go from an overwhelming and chaotic life to more purpose and organization and joy?”
That's the reason why I'm doing this podcast, to give you trusted answers and create a space where you could find balance. My name is Connie Sokol and welcome to Balance Redefined Radio…
Welcome back to another balance redefined and I'm so grateful you're joining me for this topic because this particular one I think is fundamental to our personal joy, success, love, abundance, all of those beautiful things in our lives.
It truly is.
I see it in home life, in relationships, in work, in community, especially in our religious activities or affiliations. I see this principle as a key factor in whether or not we are going to be truly happy and allow others to be truly happy to you and I'm going to share with you why.
So my daughter and I were watching a movie last night called I Can Only Imagine and all I knew about it was that it was a good show, and it was inspirational. That's all that we basically knew.
So we'd cozy and under my big debate and we're watching the show and has for watching.
It's this movie based on a true story of Matt Ballard, and it's about his struggle with his father who was emotionally and physically abusive throughout his life and especially in his childhood and how that affected him, but mostly how it affected his father because Matt held faith throughout his life in different ways, even when he was angry, being able to come back to a place of forgiveness and his father ultimately, you know, experienced redemption and being able to have a faith in God and seeing what he did was wrong and being able to make amends.
It went from this horrible situation to Matt in him becoming best friends. I mean, it's one of those, you know, one in a bazillion kind of feeling movies, and yet so many everyday profound truths and as we're watching and I've found my daughter and I both in tears, and then it wasn't just wow-this-is-a-sad-story tears, even though they tell it very delicately and very carefully, that's very well done because you don't spend a lot of time in that negative space, but you know it and you can feel it.
She just started sobbing at one place and I, I was so worried. I turned to her and I gave her comfort. And then I paused the movie...
And said, “Are you okay? Do you want to talk?” And she's like, “No, I'm just processing,” and I found that I started to experience that same thing.
I had had some tears and some things that I didn't really want to share why. And then that kind of opened the flood gates for me to be able to process.
And again we didn't share anything particular but it was the space that allowed us both to process. I know that afterwards we hugged each other and she shared a few things.
But for me it softened this space of mine for this reminding that people are people and we're all here doing our best and some people's best is pretty darn awful, but they still are doing their best and we all have our demons.
We all have them and some of us are able to hide them better than others, but that doesn't make them any less significant for how it feels or what we experience. And so as I thought about these things, I was thinking about forgiveness and this is going to be a little personal.
I'm going to be kind of careful here, but it's a little personal for me. I am recently went through a divorce last month, I'd say nine, 10 months ago and after 25 years of marriage and there was good things, there were definitely good things and created a beautiful family life. I'm a mother of seven and did all that I could to make that happen. I worked really, really, really hard to make that happen and...sorry, and I promised myself I will not…
I will not cut this, that I will just share this as it comes. But things don't always go the way that you want to end and the things that you work really hard for. Sometimes you just don't get. And we came to a place that was... I could see not going to shift after so many years in so much counseling and so many opportunities and so much heartache for me and for my kids.
And so we divorced last fall, and it was an interesting moment because I could feel very clearly there were some things that for many years had happened that were truly difficult to deal with, and there were some things in the final stages of this that were incredibly difficult to deal with and try to maintain a space of forgiveness and taking the high road as I would tell my kids we need to take the high road, and after we divorced, I remember this clear feeling of just let this be...
Just let this go. Let this be. Don't hold on to this, do not hold onto this. And that was an interesting place because it was so raw, and I could feel that I had a window of opportunity to just to just let go of it, to not hold on and just let go of it. But if I held on I could feel that it would stick. Almost like velcro.
Like it would stick like duct tape and you know when you try to pull it off your skin that it would stick and it would stick hard. And I can't express my gratitude for that feeling thought that I had and the choice that I made in that moment to not hold onto it, to truly and freely let it go. And I'll tell you why.
The first point that I want to share about why forgiveness matters to you. Well, the overarching point is it forgiveness is freeing…
It is freeing to everybody involved. It is not the same as someone getting off scot free. Let me make that very clear…
I think we hold on to these feelings, to this negativity because we think somehow it's going to create justice for that person who did us wrong and that we perceive it or we experienced it or whatever it may be. That's not what forgiveness is.
Forgiveness is freeing. It unshackles everybody involved…
So now each person in the situation can truly be free to make their own choice about how they want to move forward. And that's the key. That's the key to everything. And so I want to share with you three ways that I have found forgiveness to be freeing.
The first way for that is that it opens doors. When I had that feeling to let go of that frustration and resentment, and what I had seen and experienced and my kids had, and the effect of that when I made that decision... and it was a heart click, kind of a feeling, not so much of a hard stop, but it was just this, I'm going to give over to that in that moment, kind of going down a river and saying, I'm going with that, and as I did that, I cannot express to you all the good that happened...
There were some very real things that were wrong, some very legal things that had happened that were wrong and spiritual things that had happened that were wrong and still in letting go of that and not seeking that justice...Now I'm not saying sometimes that is not necessary. Of course it is. There are times that you have to move forward in a legal fashion on things and that's for the safety and protection of all involved.
Absolutely. In fact, in this one talk on forgiveness, it's fantastic, but he says, “We can all receive unspeakable piece and partnering with our Savior as we learn to freely forgive those who have trespassed against us. This partnering with his power into our lives is an unmistakable and never to be forgotten way.” And then he says, “Are there people in our lives who have hurt us?” Now remember your divine influence, whatever that might be, the universe nature-maybe it's the Holy Spirit, whatever that is for you, just put that in there…
“Do we harbor what seemed like fully justified feelings of resentment and anger? Are we letting pride keep us from forgiving and letting go? I invite all of us to forgive completely and let healing occur from within. And even if this forgiveness doesn't come today, know that as we desire it and work for it, it will come just as eventually as it did for me.”
So consider this. This is not about doing things, and forgetting things, and you're pretending that it didn't happen or putting it under the rug, or you're just saying, “Well, you know, people are people and you move forward,” and they've, you know, abused your children, or they've, um, you know, absconded from a company its created their collapse. I'm not saying that.
In fact, he says, “I am not suggesting that we candone unlawful conduct…”
“We know full well,” I was going to cut it, but I said I promised I wouldn't cut it, “We know full well that individuals are to be held accountable for their criminal acts and civil wrongdoings.However, we also know that as we follow these teachings, we are to be forgiving even when it seems that others may not warrant our forgiveness.”
This is a talk from Larry j Echo Hawk, and I think he makes that point beautifully that it's not about ignoring or condoning, but it is about getting to a space of freedom, a freedom for everyone involved.
So back to the open doors. I was amazed when that decision, when I made it, when that decision was an acted in my life, the doors just flew open. In fact, right after that is when I woke up one morning, it was a several days later and I woke up one morning with the feeling thought for the TV segment that I do for..
It's a regional show that I do here. It's number one in its “Market and all of that.” Anyway, it's a lifestyle show, and I had already had a topic chosen.
It was on parenting, and I woke up one morning with a very clear impression that it needs to be on dealing with life's challenges.
Now. This is just several days after my last mediation and I thought, “I don't want to do a talk on that. I don't want to do a segment on this whole thing. I don't even want to talk about this right now. I want to go under the covers and and stay there for two months…”
Really, but I felt it strongly. Then a few days later, I had talked to my producer, and she said, “Yes, let's do it.” A few days later I said, “I need to do a facebook live on this.” Why on Earth would I do that? I didn't even... It was so raw…
Then I felt strongly I needed to do a book on it and I ended up doing a book. I thought I don't want to do a book, and I did a book on it and I did it within a couple of weeks and then got that out and then I did an online course that went with that book.
All the way along I was like, “I don't want to do this,” and yet I could feel strongly that that's what I needed to do and interestingly enough as I did, door after door after door continued to be open and I can share more of that in some of the other podcasts that I share about those success steps, but it was amazing and so I saw that it opens doors and it releases as and that's what is so key.
The second thing is that we get joy. We get joined now and in the present as well as through the difficult experience because you know it's not forgiveness once. You're going to need to keep forgiving over and over, and so it's this joy. You're able to access joy.
I can truly say that I felt joy, joy in the thick of it, joy and the ups and the downs. I felt joy and I felt this space of of happiness for others, for my former spouse, for people who were involved, I could feel a love and a joy for them. Even when I found out two months later that he got engaged…
I knew that that would happen quickly, but my kids were so shocked and and how that affected them, and you kind of go back to that space of feeling angry about people you love feeling hurt and there's nothing you can do, but I was able to hold onto that space and still be able to feel that love and that happiness and taking that high road and helping them through that and being able to say, “It's all gonna work out for good. If we'll just stay in this space.”
We acknowledge the negative behaviors and acknowledged the dysfunctional behaviors, acknowledge whatever it is that is a truth, good, bad and ugly, and we don't hold on, we let it go and we move forward with joy and happiness and peace as we allow Him to give it to us and as we are willing to receive it. So that was huge.
And the interesting thing is on the third point is that as we remove, as we forgive, we remove obstacles for everyone…
As I mentioned before, we remove obstacles to growth and that is so pivotal. As you think about that movie that I shared with you, it is incredible how this young boy's faith continue to grow and be nurtured throughout his experience and he was able to have an influence on his father.
Now that's not always the case...
In fact, it's often not the case that you will do for someone. You will help someone. You will love them, you will forgive them and all the way along they will fight it. They won't choose it, and then the end you feel like, what was that for? That was a waste of space, a waste of time, energy, ability, love.
It's not. It is never ever, ever wasted. All of it matters because all of it is that they might, that they might have joy. I know that's in the scriptures in John 10:10 it's one of my favorite scriptures and it's that, “I am come that they might have life and that they might have it more abundantly,.” More abundantly, and it always says “may” and “might” and that doesn't mean that it's a solid done deal. It says “may” and “might.”
So we offer that. We offer that opportunity and sometimes people choose it and sometimes they don't, but that's okay because the gift of offering that is so in the similitude of Jesus Christ, or if there's another person that is like that in your life, the Dalai Lama, or Mother Teresa or whatever that is for you, but for me, it's Jesus Christ, and it's God the Father, and that debt that that has been paid...
I have the opportunity to partake of that myself and as I do this forgiveness practice, I offer that in similitude to someone else and I get to experience that as well. When I offer it, I get to experience for myself from them as well, and that is my personal belief and I know this is a little bit more religious than usual, but I wanted to share this with you because this is who I am.
This is my belief system, and I love and appreciate so many different people's belief systems.
I love what they do, and I love what they share, and I love how they inspire my life, and that's why I still share things like this because it is part of who I am, but I want you to know as I get to a close on this thought, that forgiveness is freeing and if you don't remember anything else, remember to give that gift of freedom.
Whatever you do, be wise. Take the high road. Take action that's necessary to protect those, involve for safety, and emotional, and physical safety as well, but take those proper actions that will yield a positive result that way because now you are an advocate for yourself and for others, for their peace and safety.
But whatever you do, give that gift of freedom and you not only open doors, number one, but two, you get an experienced the joy along the way, and three, you remove obstacles for everyone involved. And I know that this is true and I hope that you will try that and practice that.
You got it. Thanks for listening and remember to rate and subscribe. And if you are feeling the need for real balance in your life, get your free five step life plan, and get started today! Just go to conniesokol.com/download.