Sep 25, 2018
Hi everyone! This is Connie Sokol, and you're listening to Balance Redefined Radio. I've spent over 20 years teaching people how to redefine what balance really is, meaning a more purposeful and joyful life.
They’ve paid off credit cards, lost weight, organize their homes, and created a meaningful life plan and they've managed their time, changed habits and experience greater success both at work and at home.
So now I decided to take the plunge and help about 100,000 new people who want to redefine balance in their lives. People ask me all the time, “How do I go from an overwhelming and chaotic life to more purpose and organization and joy?”
That's the reason why I'm doing this podcast, to give you trusted answers and create a space where you could find balance. My name is Connie Sokol and welcome to Balance Redefined Radio…
Welcome back! I'm so glad you've returned for more and more good stuff more principles and practices that are going to bless your life, give you purpose, organization and joy and that's what we're after for that balance redefined.
So today I am talking about the balance between sit and start…
Do you find yourself in that limbo in between those two choices, that switch point of your life? Do I sit or do I start?
You know, a few weeks ago it really occurred to me that it came to me in those two words.
Life really is about these balances of when do I sit and when do I start?...Because our personalities will lend itself that we tend to do more of one than the other.
So I have friends that are more.
They sit, not that they actually sit (their moms), they're on the
go, so it's not that, but emotionally they'll sit with something
before they actually will do something about it and it's a blessing
and a curse because sometimes that will make them sort of process a
process and process them more and they're actually spinning.
Their wheels are really not moving
forward…
Other people I know, including myself, are more prone to start. Start without really thinking through all the way. Jump in and say, “Hey, like you know, Judy Garland, Mickey Rooney, let's put on a show and it should just post everything, show up like a half hour sitcom should all just come together and there are pros and cons to both for sure.”
I have been able to accomplish a lot by just starting because if I would have known so many of the things I would have come up against, I would never have started.
However, it can also have its
hidden costs as both sides do and so I have had to learn over the
years still learning how to temper that start and be able to know
when I need to sit and when I need to start and that's where this
podcast came from, is this.
I
had all these thoughts about this and that. As I'm talking with
people, they're struggling with that same thing. Only they just
didn't have those words to it. So I'm putting some words to
it...
So today, how do we balance when to know when to sit and when to start. So one of the things that I want to kind of get you in that groove about is to start recognizing when your not doing the thing, the which one you should be doing.
So usually we're going along and
we're probably choosing it pretty wisely. But then we started
noticing some symptoms if we're wise, we start noticing that we're
getting resentful and maybe angry little snippy triggered and maybe
we're feeling super tired, like just kind of fatigued, tired. Not
like, “Wow, I just did racquetball for an hour and a half.” I'm
tired, more of, “I feel worn out.”
I
just feel just tired, like fatigue, that kind that you just go, I
sleep and I don't really feel rested. That kind of tired. So we got
the resentful, we got the frustrated, we got the angry, you've got
the tired, don't have to have all of these, but you have some of
these and you're feeling kind of angsty, like it just kind of
rumbles in your soul.
Those can often be signs for you to step back and say, do we need to do it differently? Maybe you've been running pellet mill for the last several weeks or months and just go, go, go for whatever needed to be done, and maybe now your body and soul is telling you it's time to switch.
You don't have to stay in this
split in the space. You don't have to stay here. You can do it
differently and allowing yourself that transition to go into a
calmer place or a slower pace...
That's something that you can watch for. Or if
you're having this rumbling and you've been binge watching Netflix
for the last six months, maybe it's saying to you, you know what,
girl? It's time for you to get up and go, you know what, dude? It's
time for you to move. It's time for you to get off the emotional
couch and make something happen. So whichever way it is, just kind
of pay attention.
What are some of the feelings you're having lately? Are you noticing any of those kinds of symptoms or triggers or any kind of feelings that are giving you a little call to action that's really your soul communicating with you.
I feel that's kind of either
making space for that or it's calling to you or it's saying you're
not going to want to stay in this space. You're not going to want
to stay here.
You want to move forward in some way or do it
differently. So just think for a minute what you might be feeling
if you're feeling any of those things or if you're feeling like,
yeah, I think I need to do it differently. Now, having asked
yourself that, which way are you tending to do it right now, are
you more sitting with something and kind of avoidance maybe about
doing something about it? Are you in that space or you and the I'm
a Gogo?
That's really good for you to
identify because then you'll know maybe what gear you need to
switch to. So if you're really in gear fifth gear and you're like,
all right, I'm going, I'm going to go, and then maybe you need to
pull it back to second, maybe even first, and if you're in first
and second, you just got to gear up, go to third to fourth, and
let's get this place moving, right?
Let's get go. Let's get going. So think about
where you're at and then think about the next phase that you want
to be doing. The next phase you want to go to. Just be thinking
about what that looks like for you. Have you got that? Have you
thought through that? Just for a minute? If it's that you want to,
you think you need to pull it back and you need to sit for a
bit.
Let's talk about that for a second...
We have got to as a society
start to really value sitting, meaning that space, that calmness,
that stillness, value that as much as productivity, it's two sides
of the same coin. You're going to hear me say that all the time,
two sides of the same digestive biscuit, and if you're not sure
what that is from other podcasts, I'm from Scotland, digestive
biscuit. Anybody out there, right?
Boom, there are beautiful fiber, kind of good
cookie on the one side and then this yummy melted chocolate on the
other side so you get the good for you stuff and you get the good
tasting stuff and together it is magic. Oh, makes me want one right
now. Anyway, “#biscuit” if you are on and down. Okay?
Anyway, so we're going to talk about sitting and sitting with ourselves, with our feelings, with our what we need to do because we need to create a space for what's coming next and it's very kind of way, but I want you to consider that because lots of things happen in stillness.
In fact, I love that quote that says, “Silence isn’t empty. It's full of answers.” Isn't that true?
Silence is not empty. It's full
of answers. When we get quiet, can you feel that? It makes a space
for thoughts and feelings and things to fill it that usually gets
shoved to the side.
Now sometimes we avoid that stillness because
there's things that come up that are really difficult or hard or
feelings that are really painful and that's when we're reaching
for, you know, the brownies or whatever it is that you're reaching
for and I hope that you will allow yourself to take it in small
steps.
If things come up that are difficult or feelings that are are hard for you to feel...
Then take it in small doses. I
like having stillness and you know me, I'm a writer so I have to
have a little legal pad next to me and a pen. I got to have
something. Maybe it's a post it note and just to keep out whatever
it is. I've got to have something because I know that when I lay
still all kinds of thoughts surface. Some of them are just
innocuous. I need to go get, you know, these protein bars when I go
to the grocery store, but others have just been waiting for me to
give a space for them to come forth.
The
other day I did this and I kid you not. I thought, “I wonder if I
have any thoughts that need to come up right now.” I laid down for
just a few minutes and I had seven pages of notes, seven pages that
is gold that I did not know was just bubbling over waiting for me
to take the cap off. Right? And just let it out.
So silence, stillness, sitting with your emotional, mental, spiritual self is so key. So if you've been a Gogo, pounding, pounding, start carving out time for stillness. So maybe it's one minute, maybe it's three minutes, maybe it's five minutes. It doesn't have to be a great deal because once you start doing it, you'll be shocked at how fast the time goes and it how much your body yearns for it.
It's dehydrated in a sense for
this stillness, for this quietness, the sitting with
yourself...
So
start for just a few minutes a day. In fact, I think it was Michael
Hyatt said that he got that tip from an author that said that to
start on the path to joy, I'm paraphrasing, but if to start on the
path to joy, start by doing 15 minutes of nothing a day. That's
where it all begins.
Fifteen minutes of nothing, a day, and you know that is such truth because when you start with nothing for 15 minutes, then I'll promise you where you're next is gratitude or meditation because that's where your thoughts yearn to go. They yearn to have something positive to come into your soul. They want to clean out and they want to bring good stuff in.
That's what they want. That's what your soul's want...
So consider that how you can
carve out one, three, five minutes, work up to 15 minutes a day to
just sit and I'll tell you the power of that cannot be
underestimated because some of my, I would say many have not even
say most, but I would say many hearts, almost like half and half of
my decisions that I have made in life that have have been my most
successful have come when I have been sitting with it.
So
just several months ago I was looking for a particular person for
my team and I thought I do not know where to find this person. I
don't know where to find her. And I knew the skill set that I
needed and I knew kind of what her personality type would be
because I know who works well with me and who I work well with. But
I just didn't know where to find her.
And so I started doing this
little morning meditation where I would just literally sit with God
where I just mean I have my prayers where I kneel and I talk with
him, but I would just wake up in, the first thing I'd do is just
lay in bed and I would just lay there and just have a meditation
and just say “Good Morning!” to him and just invite him to my life
and, and want to have that connection.
Remember whatever that looks like to you,
divine influence, higher power, the universe, whatever that is for
you. But for me, I was just inviting God into my life to partner
with me. And as I just laid there, I just had all these wonderful
different thoughts that came through some difficult thoughts,
process some of those and just feeling really good. And I just came
to a place where I don't know if you know what I mean. I'm sure you
do. But like it was almost without me thinking.
I wasn't really thinking about
what I was doing. I just opened my eyes and I reached over and I
had my cell phone next to me on my bed, which I don't ever reach
for like that. I actually don't like doing my cell phone first
thing in the morning. I like to do some other things and kind of
connect with people and with God and that kind of thing.
But
I happen to have it there and I reached for it. So imagine this in
a matter of half a second, right?
Open my eyes, reached for my phone, look on it, and I see this facebook request. Now I don't do those. I have an assistant that does those. So I looked at it and I thought, “Oh well, she looks nice,” and I pressed on it because I always like to vet them and I don't know what. I don't ever usually do this. So I friended them. It was a Saturday morning, so maybe that's why.
So I friended this Gal and I looked at it and I saw the, the very top where it says our skillset basically and what they do. It was exactly what I needed and I thought, “You're kidding me, like you are kidding,” but it didn't hit me fully because I'm still looking at ads just betting a facebook request.
I don't know how to explain that, but you know what I mean, where you're kind of your mind is still on this one track and it takes a minute to shift. Kay, remember I've had seven children, so a little delay.
There are sometimes, so I went, scrolled down to see, “Oh, she had really nice posts and she had good, good content and wow. Really genuine, authentic,” and then talked about moving and how she felt like it spiritually, this is what they needed to do and they weren't really keyed about it, but they knew in their souls this is what they need to do. And I was like, “Wow, what a good woman to follow that follow her soul and know what she needed to do.”
And then I saw a picture where
they moved to beautiful green mountain. I was like, “Oh my gosh,
that's gorgeous.”
Wow. I wonder where that is. Scroll back up to
the top because my neighborhood was my neighborhood. She just moved
in a few streets away and I did not even know. It was
incredible.
And so we connected that morning and met and then it was incredible. I mean she had just exactly what I needed. It was amazing for me. That was a miracle. That was like an incredible miracle. And it started with sitting. So does that make sense? A little play on words there.
Sometimes to start it is about sitting and sometimes starting is sitting means that you are starting and I'm not even going to go backward. Like you know, what comes first chicken or the egg egg is whatever.
We're just going to skip that.
But I just want you to keep that in mind. The power of that space
of sitting with yourself, your soul, your situation,
whatever...
And
just instead of go, go, go knowing it's time for me to do this for
now because I got this rumble, I've got this resentment, I got this
anger, I've got this frustration, I've got this. I don't know what
the “Hey, I'm doing and I got to stop and think this through.”
That's that sitting space. Okay.
The other part is the start part. Now this I find when I'm talking with people, especially if they're at that upper level space and they're leaping from one comfort zone to this unknown, but there is so is so already there and yet they're just struggling to make those individual steps.
You know, it's kinda like an
Einstein or a tesla where they did all the work shopping in their
brain and they already had created these things already fixed the
problems and things and then guess what they had to do that.
It's
still physically create it, you know, that can be kind of annoying
when you actually workshop it in your brain and it's all done. It's
like beauty and then you actually have to work with the temporal
tools to build the thing that you wanted to do. It can be really
annoying.
So sometimes we just don't want to start because our soul already knows the work that's involved and were like, I'd really rather binge watched my favorite show or sometimes the start, we just don't even know where to begin. So it's feel so confusing and overwhelming because we just don't even know how to start.
We're excited about it, but we just don't even know how to get going...
And so watch for those. Ask
Yourself, what is the obstacle to my starting? Is it because I
don't know what I'm supposed to do? Is it because I'm afraid of
what I'm to do?
Is it because I really would love help in what
I'm doing and I don't have help, I don't have support. I don't have
someone saying you got this. So consider those are just a few of
the questions, but ask yourself some of these. Find out questions
when you sit with yourself, do you like that closed loop
there?
All right. So for example, I write and I write fiction and nonfiction and I've written 17 books and how I have done them is mostly I have to make myself start. Oftentimes I start because have an idea in my head and I know I just have to get it down and so I'll do my fiction by scenes.
The scenes will come to me and
I'll write them down, but then I actually have to go through and
finish and finesse and do all of the plot line and all of
that...
I
still have to do all the nitty gritty work, but a lot of times
those I will start by the sitting moments. Meaning I'm doing dishes
and vacuuming. I get my best ideas vacuuming, I swear. Do you find
that that there's some anonymous, I call it emotional or creative
white noise and so you have the sort of emotional white noise and
suddenly that creativity can pop.
That's what happens for me. So when I say sit, you know, women never sit. Okay. Even when we're like sitting, we're mentally cleaning out a purse...
So anyhow, my sort of sitting sometimes is these dishes, vacuuming, mundane activities and I find that I get these ideas for scenes or books or podcasts or things like that. So sometimes the starting place is really that sitting, but it's getting me started on that project.
So consider if you can just
start and reverse it started so that those scenes, those ideas,
those project organization skills start
coming...
So for example, when I am
doing a book and I am just not feeling it, not feeling the ticky
tack logistics of it and make myself do a five minute session, just
five minutes, five minutes. I said I'm just going to sit at that
laptop for just five minutes and then I, I'm released. I don't have
to do any more editing, I don't have to do any more flatlining.
I'll just do five minutes. I'll come back and do it really
tomorrow. No problem.
So I do my five minutes. What do
you think happens? Nine Times out of 10? Yeah. I'm going on and on
and on. I've got the stiff arm to my kids and I say go get a snack
from the gap and I'll be with you in a minute. And, and I've got
phone calls coming in and I'm like, “Too bad. So
sad.”
I'm
on a roll. And that's what happens because I've unlocked that
paralysis and I've just done. That's what we have to do sometimes
is just do that whole Nike thing. They have it right. We just do
it. Sometimes we just got to step in.
I know a friend of mine, he wrote his entire novel, I think it was three years, but it was doing writing 15 minutes a day. So my suggestion to you is you sit for 15 minutes and then you start for 15 minutes a day. Can you see the beautiful symmetry of that though? Yeah.
And I can promise you it will
yield incredible results that 15 minutes of just being still and
the 15 minutes of doing just doing so again, just like you did with
the sitting. Maybe you start with one, three, five minutes maybe
for the doing, you just do one task or you just do it for five
minutes, whatever that is.
Because that's what it's all about. I love that
anonymous quote. I say it all the time.
If not now, when, if you're not going to start in five minutes or do it for five minutes today, what are you going to do it? When are you actually gonna do it. There's going to not be the ideal time, so five minutes. That's as long as it takes for you to fight the feelings of wanting to do something. So just just do it.
All right. I love that...has anybody seen Holes? Okay. #Holes. I love that show...
Sigourney Weaver, when she's like, “Just do it.” I say that to my kids all the time. We have the best lines from that show…
All right, so that is my tips for today. Have sit and start-the balance redefined between those two. When do you need to sit? When is the needs to start?
And my challenge for you today
is try to do a bit of both...
Starting with maybe five minutes or less to sit
in five minutes or less to start and then post a comment and tell
me how it worked for you. Tell me how that helped you in your life
or if it really stunk, then tell me that too.
But I would love to hear that, and also below-#sitstart, #balancedredefined... Hashtag these fabulous things. If you've found value in what I said today and the quotes that I shared or any of the concepts that I shared about getting that vulnerability and that sitting space from Brene Brown, then #BreneBrown.
I love her stuff. So hashtag those things that were important to you and if you have solutions that have come to mind, we'll post those below. Don't be stingy.
Let us know what they are and you might totally blessed and invite someone to change their life today by the things that you are posting.
So I encourage you to do that. If you can't think of something, just do #thisrocks, right? That's always a solid.
All right. Hopefully you got great stuff today. I know I've had a ball and I've had some other thoughts that have come up for me too because I'm starting something.
And so after this I'm probably gonna sit preferably with a Brownie. Enjoy. And join for some more balance redefined podcasts.
You got it. Thanks for listening and remember to rate and subscribe. And if you are feeling the need for real balance in your life, get your free five step life plan, and get started today! Just go to conniesokol.com/download.