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Purpose Filled Life With Connie Sokol


Aug 23, 2018

Hi everyone! This is Connie Sokol, and you're listening to Balance Redefined Radio. I've spent over 20 years teaching people how to redefine what balance really is, meaning a more purposeful and joyful life.

 

They’ve paid off credit cards, lost weight, organize their homes, and created a meaningful life plan and they've managed their time, changed habits and experience greater success both at work and at home.

 

So now I decided to take the plunge and help about 100,000 new people who want to redefine balance in their lives. People ask me all the time, “How do I go from an overwhelming and chaotic life to more purpose and organization and joy?”

 

That's the reason why I'm doing this podcast, to give you trusted answers and create a space where you could find balance. My name is Connie Sokol and welcome to Balance Redefined Radio...

 

So at the start of a new year, I had some anxiety about how I was doing as a mother...

 

Have you ever had that? While I was making some goals for our children and myself, it was easy to see that maybe some changes, may be many changes were needed, which possibly related to my need for chocolate covered pretzels by the handful…

 

But thankfully before I could even open the bag, I began reading this great book, Chieko Okazaki’s Lighten Up. If you haven't read it, please do. It is a fabulous book and if you want to feel great about yourself and your abilities as a mother read it.

 

I was so drawn to this book and especially to the chapter: “Motherhood: Less Guilt, More Joy,” and it shares the following... I'm going to read this to you. It's so fantastic. She says,

 

“I have received a startling education on the amount of inappropriate guilt literally hundreds of wonderful women feel about motherhood. Women with infertility problems feel guilty that they cannot bear children. Mothers worry that they have too many children or too few.

 

... Many others worry because they are not perfect mothers or don't have perfect children and relating to children's poor choices, even more personal guilt that springs from the feeling that they have somehow failed.”

 

“...I strongly feel,” she continues, “that we should expect struggles and imperfections in this life. The most realistic expectation we can make of ourselves is to do our best. We should not expect to control outcomes either for ourselves or for our children.”

 

What a relief. Suddenly I felt light and clear about being a mother and not so bad about making my four year old go back to bed. After the 400th time of being up, I began thinking about all the good things that I do with and for my children. And how last week we bought these little red mini but mailboxes for each child, and it's complete with the little mini flag so that I can give them little love messages, and how I'd played ponies, and did horse puzzles, and danced to their favorite song, and I colored, and I glued, and I made a tasty lunch, and a cuddle them before naps…

 

I mean, come on people! Talk about a little bit of a paradise. So I encourage you to make what I decided to do, which is make a “ I am a fabulous mother” list and put it in a lovely and easily accessible place and that's why you would write each reason that you are a fabulous mother and an “I” statement because you were going to say it loud and proud for yourself and for them.

 

This is because I think too often we are not recognizing our own efforts in a personal way. In fact, I think we need to stand tall and say, “Hey, this is what I do well as a mother.” So for fun and possibly debate by my children. Here is the beginning of my fabulous mother list that I will surely read to my children during family night. All 429 of them. I will only share 10 at this juncture.

 

Number one, I apologize. Why am I a fabulous mother? Because I apologize. When I've blown it, I say “Sorry,” and I move on, right?

 

Number two, I do floor time with my children every day. That's right. And though I must admit the puzzles and the playdough after 15 years is really not doing it for me, I focus on the joy that it is bringing to them and a great book reward for me later on.

 

Number three, I can be beaten in scrabble. Yes, this gives them a great sense of accomplishment and makes them feel that they are frankly invincible.

 

Number four, I delegate these sweet children help in every thing from putting in a load of laundry to loading a dishwasher. Each child, even down to that four year old, they help with the home.

 

Number five, I am affectionate. That's right. Whether it's first thing in the morning or last thing at night, whether it's touch or talk, they are loved, loved, loved, and it doesn't matter that my oldest is too old.

We do smooches around this house.

 

Number six, I refuse to hear negative talk about my cooking. That's true. I feel that this is a service rendered for their future wives and husbands. As soon as a negative word starts to form, they already know it's a double portion of dinner for them.

 

Number seven, I say “no.” I know when to say it. I know how loud or how soft to say it, and I say it often when it is necessary, but I do say it.

 

Number Eight, I have chilled out in the Uber Structure Department. So I did learn that one time during the week children's play dates, which were just reserved for Fridays and Saturdays, I had to ease up on and say, “Alright, they can do a Wednesday play date.” This was during school time. If their rooms are tidy, their homework to that point is done and the laundry is completed and pretty much anything else that I can think of that needs to get done while they are still motivated.

 

Number nine, I take time for me whether it's exercise, reading or enjoying one of my special treats without little mini mouths breathing on them. I teach them that a relaxed mom is a happy mom, and that's a ready-to-say-yes-to-their-requests Mom. That's right.

 

And number 10, I read good books that make me remember to truly enjoy the process and the season of raising my young children without ripping their little lips off.

 

So today, if you are feeling a little less than a fabulous mom, I encourage you, pull out a piece of paper and start jotting number one, number two, and jot down as many things as you can think of that make you a fabulous mother.

 

Don't be shy because you're going to need that. Alright, thanks for joining me for another Conniecast. And remember you can get this experience in print form. Go to Amazon and ordered the Life is Too Short Collection. It's kitchen table wisdom for women, wives and mothers. It's life principles with a touch of humor.

 

You got it. Thanks for listening and remember to rate and subscribe. And if you are feeling the need for real balance in your life, get your free five step life plan, and get started today! Just go to conniesokol.com/download.